There doesn’t seem to be any debate–leadership without sincerity is not leadership, it is just management. It could also be argued that teaching without sincerity is just instruction. On the other hand, the liability we assume with the words which leave our mouths can be stifling. I’m not just referring to legal liability but also the personal responsibility we feel when we participate in the problems of others. What if the outcome is not positive? Don’t we, as advisors, assume some fault? So, how can you effectively lead with genuineness while staying out of trouble?
Limited scope
There is a simple question which can prohibit verbal mistakes–is the topic area relevant to the professional relationship? If it is not, regardless of what the subordinate has chosen to share, don’t allow yourself the pleasure of personal comment.
When I first started teaching, I was advised, “Oh, and students would just as soon stab you in the back as look at you.” I immediately responded that betrayal by a student was unthinkable–after all, my students love me. Well, if you have any experience as any type of superior, you know that they love you until they don’t. This is the main reason we must focus our sincerity in the right places. You may genuinely worry about someone’s life choices that they have chosen to share with you, and they may specifically ask your opinion. However, unless it directly affects the professional context, you should not address it. Period.
It matters
Instead, we must focus on letting our feelings show in other ways. People must trust us–this is true whether you are a manager or an instructor. They must respect us enough that an admonition is devastating and encouragement feels like winning the lottery. This is THE way to enhance results. I was raised to ignore peer-pressure; it was phrased, “It doesn’t matter what other people think.” Actually, when you are trying to lead, it DOES matter what people think–it is the crux of effective leadership.
It is very difficult to see through our own biases to figure out how other people see us. If one person “doesn’t like” us, it’s likely a one-off. But if that is a consistent impression that we get, we should try to figure it out. As an example, I suddenly realized one day that in my job as a PRN paramedic, I hadn’t received the volume of “thank you” notes that I had in the past. At first, I thought, “Oh well, I’m just part time, so there are just less opportunities to make a strongly positive impression.” But the more I thought about it, the more it really bothered me.
I began paying more attention to how I was treating people. My conclusion? All business. Swift, efficient, and effective–that’s all I was. Technically, that’s fine. But, as the old saying goes, “People remember how you made them feel.” I made them feel as if they were in a foreign, cold, clinical environment.
Value people
My active goal is to make people feel individually valuable. It is a known human desire; pay attention to it and fulfill that common need. I personally am so goal-oriented that it is STILL an active battle. It’s not that I don’t value people–I do; it’s why I’ve been in service to others since I was 16. It’s just that fulfilling my responsibilities is so incredibly important to me that the pressure of the “To Do” list drives me blindly forward.
I can clearly identify my turning point. When I first became a program director, I would get so irritated as we approached registration and those tons of phone calls for information would start. Every one was a pain in my rear because it delayed crossing things off of the list. I was a very unhappy camper. Then, one day, I suddenly realized–those calls WERE my To Do list. You know that trick where you force a smile and, eventually, you feel some better? That’s what I did. I imagined every caller as a desperate patient needing my aide. It worked! I became more patient, more accommodating, and happier! Each person had value–and they knew it.
True self
You became a medic and an instructor because you cared about making other peoples’ lives better. Let that person come out. When we are “on stage” we tend to want to protect ourselves. With students, there is value in spending the first few weeks firmly establishing expectations with your best stern act. Students who hadn’t “signed up for all this” will fade out–my experience is that those tend to be the ones who would have taken advantage of any perceived vulnerability. Those who seek excellence will appreciate the openness–it shows that you trust them which will help them trust you. The majority of the stories I tell (Productive Storytelling in EMS Education) are of my momentous failures. Told with the emotion those mistakes caused at the time, the lesson is more firmly embedded in the students’ minds. It can make one feel naked, but the return on investment is worth it.
So how do we handle the subordinate who is sharing things which are “not relevant to the professional environment?” As I’ve mentioned, my weakness is over-engaging. The student shares that she recently went through terrible situation X. I have all kinds of advice and guidance, but it is just not appropriate in this context. What are the alternatives to personally commenting while still helping the student and making her feel valued? She’s asked, “What should I do?”
My “go to” strategy is to say something true such as, “Well, I don’t think I know you well enough to be able to guide you on something so important.” I then inquire about personal support networks–friends, family, and the like–what do they think? What does the student identify as “pros and cons” of each option? In talking it out, she may come to a conclusion all on her own. I’m walking her through a method of evaluating the input without adding my own.
In all likelihood, if she had a support network, she wouldn’t be talking to me. From there, I have at my fingertips college support resources that I trust. Finally, there are external services which you can help research and identify. These approaches help continue the conversation, provide support, and communicate sincere interest while avoiding the pitfalls of sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong.
Balance
Leadership is a balancing act. We must be comfortable enough to expose our “real” selves without ending up involved in the personal business of subordinates. For us naturally-helpful types, that type of self-censoring presents a challenge. For more self-protective folks, the process is also formidable. Either way, the your efforts in personal growth are a benefit and a blessing to those in your care.